Come Home: Sarah’s Path to Sacred Femininity

Dedication

I would like to dedicate this shiur to the memory of our holy soldiers:Ephraim ben Liat v’Shmuel, Yosef Malachi ben Dina v’David, Eliyahu Moshe Shlomo ben Sarah v’Shimon, Yosef Chaim ben Rachel v’Eliyahu, Netanel ben Revital v’Elad, Yakir ben Chaya v’Yehoshua.השם יקום דמם, along with all the righteous soldiers who have fallen in this war, protecting Am Yisrael.

May their memory be a blessing, and may our learning of Torah elevate their neshamot and give strength to their families.

This week, we commemorate the first yahrzeit of Netanel ben Revital v’Elad.May his neshama have an aliyah.

The #Sarah Model for Feminine Integration

Sarah should really be in the spotlight this week. I’ve been thinking a lot about Sarah Imeinu, whose name headlines this week’s Torah portion, Chayei Sarah — “the life of Sarah.”

It’s curious, though: the parsha that bears her name doesn’t actually tell her story.

It begins with her death and moves forward without her. Still, somehow, the Torah is calling us to stop and look closer — to study her life, her choices, her voice.

For years, I saw Sarah in one clear way. She was the strict one — the #boundarykeeper, the disciplinarian, the necessary counterweight to Avraham’s overflowing kindness. She was gevurah to his chesed. Strong, yes. Holy, yes. But not what I instinctively associate with the tender side of #femininity.

Then, in a conversation with a remarkable Sara I know (you know who you are), I was invited to take a closer look — to see if perhaps I’d been reading her too narrowly. And as I went back to the text, certain details began to stand out.

Sarah doesn’t speak much in the Torah, yet her influence shapes everything.We see her facing #infertility, the tension with #Hagar, the courage to send #Yishmael away, and the pain surrounding the Akeidah.We see her “in the tent,” her Shabbat candles burning continuously, her home filled with blessing. We see God instructing #Avraham: “Whatever Sarah tells you — listen to her voice” — כֹּל אֲשֶׁר תֹּאמַר אֵלֶיךָ שָׂרָה שְׁמַע בְּקֹלָהּ (Bereishit 21:12). And we see her described again and again for her beauty — a detail that can’t be accidental.

Who is this woman? What kind of #strength is this — quiet but absolute, clear yet compassionate? The more I looked, the more I realized Sarah isn’t a background figure; she’s the Torah’s model for what integrated femininity looks like.

Let’s Look More Closely at a Few of Her Tests

Avraham’s relationship with God is built on formal, dramatic tests — ten of them, each commanded and public. Sarah’s tests are nothing like that. God doesn’t summon her with prophecy or voice. Her tests are quiet, interwoven with the natural rhythm of life — moments of longing, family tension, emotional courage. No dialogue, no divine speech — just the expectation to meet life’s challenges with integrity and faith. That, in itself, tells us something about feminine spirituality: it often unfolds within life, not above it.

Test One — Hagar: Disconnection and the “Hagar Effect”

Sarah’s first test we will explore comes through her longing for a child.Years of waiting blur into despair. Out of love for Avraham and faith in the promise, she gives Hagar to him — a generous, self-sacrificing act. But inside, she lacks clarity and peace. She acts for Avraham, but not from Sarah . When Hagar conceives, Sarah feels her place collapse. Resentment and pain rise, turning into aggression.

Ramban writes: “Our mother sinned by afflicting her.” — חטאה אמנו בענוי הזה (Ramban on Bereishit 16:6). But the sin was not cruelty; it was disconnection. She wanted holiness but bypassed her own truth. She failed to honor her pnimiut — her inner knowing.

This is the moment many women know intimately — giving past our limits, silencing our intuition, mistaking self-erasure for righteousness. And when that happens, resentment and pain always follow. This is what I call “The Hagar Effect” — when a woman stops listening to her inner clarity and begins serving an external ideal, even one that looks spiritual.Over time, that disconnection shows up as anxiety, depression, or even physical pain — the body’s cry for self-reconnection.

Test Two — Yishmael: Peaceful Clarity and Finding Her Voice

Years later, Sarah faces the same pattern — but now she’s changed.She “sees” Yishmael mocking Yitzchak and recognizes a spiritual danger. She speaks clearly:“Send away this maidservant and her son.” — גָּרֵשׁ הָאָמָה הַזֹּאת וְאֶת בְּנָהּ (Bereishit 21:10).Avraham resists, but God says, “Whatever Sarah tells you — listen to her voice.” — כֹּל אֲשֶׁר תֹּאמַר אֵלֶיךָ שָׂרָה שְׁמַע בְּקֹלָהּ (Bereishit 21:12).

This time there is no war, no anger — only peaceful clarity. Her boundary is calm, her tone steady. Her voice carries divine authority because it’s aligned with truth.

This is the divine endorsement of inner peace. When Sarah acts from integrity, her kol pnimi — her inner voice — becomes prophetic. This is the meaning of שְׁמַע בְּקֹלָהּ: God Himself recognizes that when a woman achieves inner harmony, her words echo His wisdom .Through her, we learn that clear boundaries lead directly to clarity of voice.

Test Three — The Akeidah: When Clarity Meets Surrender

The final test doesn’t even seem to belong to Sarah — the Akeidah, the binding of Yitzchak, is told through Avraham’s eyes.Yet the Midrash (Pirkei d’Rabbi Eliezer 32 פרקי דרבי אליעזר לב) tells us that when Sarah heard what had nearly happened, her soul departed. Her life, which began in waiting and wrestling, ends in surrender.

But this is not a story of shock or loss. It’s the natural completion of Sarah’s spiritual arc — the moment when the woman who has learned to build, protect, and clarify finally learns to release.

Her entire life was an education in boundaries: when to say yes, when to say no, when to draw close, when to step back. Through each tes,t she grew in self-knowledge and in faith. By the time of the Akeidah, her relationship with God is no longer one of grasping or managing — it is one of trust.

This is the most difficult boundary of all: the boundary between our role as nurturers and the illusion of control. Sarah models what it means to let go with love — to create space for the next generation to stand in their own strength. She senses that Yitzchak has become his own person, ready to grow, marry, and continue the covenant. It is bittersweet, but profoundly necessary.

This is לֹא עָלֶיךָ הַמְּלָאכָה לִגְמֹר וְלֹא אַתָּה בֶן חוֹרִין לְהִבָּטֵל מִמֶּנָּה —“It is not upon you to complete the work, but neither are you free to withdraw from it.” (Pirkei Avot 2:16 אבות ב:טז).Read through a feminine lens, it becomes the instruction to every woman who builds an ohel: your task is not to control the outcome, but to be fully and honestly present in the process.

Sarah’s death is not collapse; it is culmination — the peace that comes when one knows she has done her work with integrity and can now release it to God. That is the final expression of tzniut: not hiding, but trusting the quiet flow of divine purpose.

The Ohel — The Birth of #FeminineWisdom

How did Sarah reach such wisdom? What brought her there?The answer is found in her ohel.

After her passing, the Torah says:“Yitzchak brought Rivkah into the tent of Sarah his mother, and behold — the light returned.”וַיְבִאֶהָ יִצְחָק הָאֹהֱלָה שָׂרָה אִמּוֹ וַתְּהִי לוֹ לְאִשָּׁה וַיֶּאֱהָבֶהָ (Bereishit 24:67).

Rashi (quoting Bereishit Rabbah 60:16 בראשית רבה ס:טז) describes three miracles:

• Her Shabbat candles burned from week to week.

• A cloud of the Divine Presence hovered above.

• Blessing rested in her dough.

Sarah’s Ohel wasn’t just a home; it was the first Ohel Mo’ed — the first Tent of Meeting. Long before Moshe spoke with God in a tent of revelation, Sarah met God in a tent of relationship. Through tzniut — inner awareness and quiet alignment — she achieved what later prophets would call devekut (דבקות), attachment to the Divine. She was the first to experience a direct, continuous presence of God inside her home.

If Avraham’s holiness happens at the entrance of the tent, facing outward, Sarah’s holiness happens within the tent, facing inward.He opens the gates of faith; she builds the dwelling where faith lives.His work brings revelation into the world; hers teaches the world how to hold it.

Tzniut — The Channel of Connection

#RivkaSimonson, in “Modesty as a Middah” (Reclaiming Dignity), writes that tzniut is not concealment but consciousness. It is the art of living with awareness that God dwells within me. It begins with self-knowledge but doesn’t stop there. Tzniut is a channel — a two-way dialogue between woman and God. When I quiet the external noise, when I live in truth rather than performance, I open that channel. This is what Sarah mastered: she didn’t disappear into modesty; she entered intimacy. Through tzniut, she became the first woman to sustain a direct, living connection with God.

Beauty, Boundaries, Wisdom, and Prophecy — The Feminine Chain

The Torah emphasizes Sarah’s beauty — yefat mareh יפת מראה.Chazal teach that true beauty (yofi יופי) reflects inner harmony.The Maharal of Prague in Netivot Olam, Netiv HaYofi 1 נתיבות עולם, נתיב היופי א writes:“יופי הוא סדר הדברים כאשר הם מסודרים כתיקונם” —“Beauty is the order and harmony of things when they are properly aligned.”

Sarah’s beauty radiates from that order — the alignment of body, emotion, and spirit.

Here’s the chain she teaches:

1. Clear Boundaries create inner order.

2. Order brings peace.

3. Peace radiates as beauty.

4. Beauty invites wisdom (chochmah חכמה).

5. Wisdom matures into prophecy (nevuah נבואה).

   
   

Boundaries → Peace → Beauty → Wisdom → Prophecy. That is the feminine architecture of revelation.

When a woman lives from clarity, she becomes an Ohel Mo’ed — a place where heaven meets earth through presence.

Come Home — #SacredJewishFemininity

Sarah’s story isn’t about perfection; it’s about coming home. Whenever we over-give, silence intuition, or lose self-respect, we step into “The Hagar Effect.”But whenever we pause, listen inward, and return to truth, we re-enter Sarah’s tent.

That tent lives within every Jewish woman — the space of pnimiut פנימיות, of quiet dialogue with God. It’s where boundaries become sacred, where beauty flows from integrity, where wisdom feels like peace. It’s the heart of sacred Jewish femininity — not about hiding, but about living with the awareness that the Shechinah שכינה dwells within.

So to every woman stretched thin, to every heart that forgot how to listen: Come home. Come back to your ohel. Rebuild that sacred, quiet place where your soul and God can meet again. From there, beauty shines. From there, wisdom rises. From there, prophecy begins.

Acknowledgment

I want to thank my sister-in-law and teacher, Tehila Gimpel, for inviting me to look more closely at the topic of women in the Torah — their unique relationship with God, and how it differs from that of men.I also want to wish her a very happy birthday and many more to come.

Sources Referenced

1. Ramban on Bereishit 16:6 — חטאה אמנו בענוי הזה (“Our mother sinned by afflicting her”).

2. Bereishit 21:10–12 — גָּרֵשׁ הָאָמָה... כֹּל אֲשֶׁר תֹּאמַר אֵלֶיךָ שָׂרָה שְׁמַע בְּקֹלָהּ.

3. Pirkei d’Rabbi Eliezer 32 — Sarah’s death following the Akeidah.

4. Rashi on Bereishit 23:1 — שְׁנֵי חַיֵּי שָׂרָה שָׁוִין לְטוֹבָה (“All her years were equal in goodness”).

5. Pirkei Avot 2:16 — לֹא עָלֶיךָ הַמְּלָאכָה לִגְמֹר וְלֹא אַתָּה בֶן חוֹרִין לְהִבָּטֵל מִמֶּנָּה.

6. Bereishit Rabbah 60:16 — miracles of Sarah’s tent.

7. Rivka Simonson, “Modesty as a Middah,” in Reclaiming Dignity (Feldheim 2023).

8. Maharal, Netivot Olam, Netiv HaYofi 1 — “יופי הוא סדר הדברים כאשר הם מסודרים כתיקונם.” (“Beauty is the order and harmony of things when they are properly aligned.”)