From the Edge of Heaven

Discovering How Close Teshuvah Really Is

Dedicated to the memory of our fallen soldiers, who gave their lives protecting Am Yisrael and Eretz Yisrael: Ephraim ben Liat v’Shmuel, Yosef Malachi ben Dina v’David, Eliyahu Moshe Shlomo ben Sarah v’Shimon, Yosef Chaim ben Rachel v’Eliyahu, Netanel ben Revital v’Elad, Yakir ben Chaya v’Yehoshua, Ron ben Sara v’Kenny, and Harel ben Yonat v’Shlomo. May their memories be a blessing, and may the lives they gave for Am Yisrael continue to inspire us to live ours with courage, purpose, and love.

And a very happy birthday to two remarkable women who continually inspire me to become a better version of myself: my sister, Sara Asher, and my friend, Liat Jackman. May Hashem bless you both with a year of health, simcha, strength, and continued growth. May you always recognize the tremendous good you bring into the lives of the people around you, and may all the love, wisdom, generosity, and light that you give so freely come back to you many times over. May this new year of your lives bring you ever closer to Hashem, to the people you love, and to the truest and most beautiful versions of yourselves. Ad 120, with many years of nachat, meaning, laughter, and bracha.

To Shamayim and Back

When my children were little, I used to tell them, “I love you up to the shamayim and back.”

It was the kind of thing an Ima says when ordinary words aren't big enough.

How much do I love you?

Across the whole world?

More.

All the way to Shamayim and back.

I was stretching their imaginations as far as they could go. While describing this enormous distance, I held them close to my heart.

I thought about those conversations when I read Moshe's words in Parshat Nitzavim.

He, too, stretches our imagination:

אִם יִהְיֶה נִדַּחֲךָ בִּקְצֵה הַשָּׁמָיִם, מִשָּׁם יְקַבֶּצְךָ ה׳ אֱלֹקֶיךָ וּמִשָּׁם יִקָּחֶךָ.

“Even if your dispersed ones are at the edge of heaven, from there Hashem your God will gather you, and from there He will take you.”Devarim 30:4

בקצה השמים—at the edge of heaven

The farthest place the imagination can reach.

Then, only a few verses later, Moshe moves in the opposite direction:

לֹא בַשָּׁמַיִם הִוא... וְלֹא מֵעֵבֶר לַיָּם הִוא.

“It is not in heaven... nor is it across the sea.”Devarim 30:12–13

Until finally:

כִּי קָרוֹב אֵלֶיךָ הַדָּבָר מְאֹד, בְּפִיךָ וּבִלְבָבְךָ לַעֲשֹׂתוֹ.

“For the matter is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to do it.”Devarim 30:14

From the edge of heaven to the human heart.

And then I noticed something else.

Moshe could have said קרוב אליך הדבר — the matter is close to you. We would have understood.

Instead he adds one small word:

מְאֹד — very.

The same Moshe who stretches distance all the way to קצה השמים stretches closeness too.

Not close.

Very close.

It sounds almost like the language of a parent trying to make a child feel something that ordinary words cannot quite capture.

So what is Moshe trying so hard to make us feel?

Why does he need me to know that this is not simply close, but מאד — very close?

What Is So Close?

Before we can answer that, we need to know what Moshe says is so close.

The Ramban understands המצוה הזאת — “this mitzvah” as referring to teshuvah:

המצוה הזאת על התשובה הנזכרת.

“This mitzvah refers to the teshuvah mentioned above.”Ramban on Devarim 30:11

What Moshe calls קרוב מאד is teshuvah.

The Ramban adds that teshuvah is available בכל עת ובכל מקום — “at every time and in every place.”

That is striking in a chapter that has just taken us to קצה השמים. Moshe does not deny that our choices can carry us far. He tells us that even from there, return remains close.

And he has already shown us where it begins.

The First Return

Before Moshe says:

וְשַׁבְתָּ עַד ה׳ אֱלֹקֶיךָ

“And you will return to Hashem your God,”Devarim 30:2

he says:

וַהֲשֵׁבֹתָ אֶל לְבָבֶךָ.

“And you will take it to your heart.”Devarim 30:1

First, the heart.

The Netziv explains:

בשום לב לראות מה לעשות.

“To direct one's heart to see what should be done.”Ha'amek Davar, Devarim 30:1

Teshuvah begins with honest introspection. What happened? What did I do? What needs to change? What is mine to repair?

But if Moshe sends me inward before sending me toward Hashem, I wonder what else I am meant to discover there.

What Remains

The Sefat Emet offers a remarkable answer:

יש בכל איש ישראל נקודה מקודשת אליו ית׳ והיא נשמת חיים.

“Within every Jew there is a holy point belonging to Hashem, and it is the living soul.”Sefat Emet, Nitzavim 5635

Sin can obscure that holy point, but the Sefat Emet says:

החטא רק במקרה.

“The sin is incidental.”Sefat Emet, Nitzavim 5635

My actions and their consequences are real, and so is my responsibility for them. But they do not become the essence of who I am.

The Baal HaTanya takes us into that same inner space. In explaining קרוב אליך הדבר מאד, he points to an אהבה מסותרת—hidden love of Hashem already present within the Jewish soul.

Hidden is not gone;

hidden is still accessible.

The neshama remains connected to its Source.

And now קרוב מאד, very close, begins to make sense. Teshuvah does not require me to create that connection from nothing. I am returning to something that is already there.

So why can return still feel so far away?

What Makes the Close Feel Far?

I think part of the answer lies in what happens when we confuse what we have done with who we are.

I failed, therefore I am a failure. I behaved badly; therefore, I am bad. I disappointed someone; therefore, I am a disappointment.

That is the movement from responsibility into shame.

The Sefat Emet calls sin מקרה—something that has happened to, or entered into, the person. Shame makes it מהות—essence.

And at its deepest level, shame makes an extraordinary claim:

My version of me is more accurate than God's version of me.

Hashem tells me there is a holy point within me, while I decide that my failure tells the deeper truth. That is not the clarity teshuvah requires; it actually takes us farther away.

And this brings me back to מאד.

The Humility of Meod

The Chida finds an allusion inside the word:

מ — משה, א — אברהם, ד — דוד.

“Mem — Moshe; Aleph — Avraham; Dalet — David.”Chida, Chomat Anakh, Devarim 30:14

He connects these three figures with ענוה—humility—and with teshuvah.

That immediately brings another מאד to mind:

וְהָאִישׁ מֹשֶׁה עָנָו מְאֹד.

“And the man Moshe was very humble.”Bamidbar 12:3

The Chida does not explicitly connect these two verses, but the parallel is striking:

ענו מאד.

קרוב מאד.

Very humble.

Very close.

Moshe's humility could not have meant believing himself incapable or insignificant. He clearly knew the gifts Hashem had given him and the enormous responsibility placed upon him. He also knew their Source.

That is how I understand anavah: the courage to see myself truthfully.

To face what I have done without excuses, while refusing to let my failures erase the neshama Hashem placed within me. My gifts come from Hashem. My choices belong to me. My mistakes require repair. None of those truths need to cancel the others.

This is the radical self-clarity I hear in Moshe's words.

Perhaps that is why והשבות אל לבבך must come first. I need to see clearly before I can return.

From There

Then another small word in Moshe's language comes into focus:

מִשָּׁם — from there.

אִם יִהְיֶה נִדַּחֲךָ בִּקְצֵה הַשָּׁמָיִם, מִשָּׁם יְקַבֶּצְךָ ה׳ אֱלֹקֶיךָ וּמִשָּׁם יִקָּחֶךָ.

“Even if your dispersed ones are at the edge of heaven, from there Hashem your God will gather you, and from there He will take you.”Devarim 30:4

משם. From there.

I do not have to pretend to be somewhere else before beginning teshuvah. I begin from the place where I actually am.

Then Moshe describes something that feels very much like a partnership:

וְשַׁבְתָּ עַד ה׳ אֱלֹקֶיךָ.

“And you will return to Hashem your God.”Devarim 30:2

And then:

וְשָׁב ה׳ אֱלֹקֶיךָ אֶת שְׁבוּתְךָ וְרִחֲמֶךָ.

“Hashem your God will return your captivity and have compassion upon you.”Devarim 30:3

Even the heart itself eventually receives His help:

וּמָל ה׳ אֱלֹקֶיךָ אֶת לְבָבְךָ.

“Hashem your God will circumcise your heart.”Devarim 30:6

I am responsible for beginning. I was never asked to complete the journey alone.

Very Close

After following Moshe's words through this parsha, I am left with a very different picture of teshuvah.

This year, I hope to have the courage to follow it.

To look inward with honesty, take responsibility for what is mine, and have enough anavah not to confuse my mistakes with who I am. Then, from wherever I find myself, to reach toward Hashem.

I think that is what קרוב מאד, very close, has come to mean to me.

The entire journey home is not mine to travel alone.

Moshe asks me for the beginning.

And Hashem promises the rest:

מִשָּׁם יְקַבֶּצְךָ ה׳ אֱלֹקֶיךָ וּמִשָּׁם יִקָּחֶךָ.

“From there Hashem your God will gather you, and from there He will take you.”Devarim 30:4

Even if I have reached קצה השמים, the edge of heaven, I can begin right here.

Hashem is קרוב מאד.

And He is waiting to bring me home.